sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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