so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
