Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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