It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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