I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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