yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
