so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I did not marry a roomba.
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