Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
