Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
