We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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