My sheets look like a crime scene.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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