just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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