Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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