I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
