i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
