I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need help removing her.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
