The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We have started to decorate penises.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
