I could have mohawked her pubes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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