i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
