Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
