Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
