been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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