i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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