Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
