this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
