last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
