why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
