I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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