you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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