i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
