why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
