Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
