Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
