remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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