It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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