hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
