Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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