why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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