guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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