i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
