its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
