I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
