I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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