You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
