can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
