We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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