I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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