The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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