capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
