You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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