i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
