i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
