Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
