He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
