She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
not ubering you a puppy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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