So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i now understand why vodka
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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