Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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