You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
