Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
